18 Aug

Our 22 Conditions to the “Democratic” Political Parties

Anna Hazare

The Delhi Police unconstitutionally imposed a set of 22 conditions against Anna Hazare’s call for a peaceful fast at Jayaprakash Narayan Park.

And obviously, some of these conditions were ridiculous and were against the fundamental rights of the citizen of this country.

Will the “Democratic” Political parties themselves fall in line if the same conditions are imposed on them when they hold their election rallies, impose unwanted Bandhs, hold protests for getting into power?

Or better yet, why don’t we draft our version of the 22 Commandments and see if they can abide by it.

So here are our 22 Conditions to the “so called” democratic political parties of our country:

Next time any political party calls for a Bandh/Protest/Rally anywhere in the country, these are the 22 conditions the party will have to abide by:

  1. Thou shall file an undertaking with the citizens before calling the Bandh or holding your rally or protest.
  2. All party members from the whole country should sign the undertaking before starting the campaign. Irrespective of whether they are on honeymoon, giving birth, in jail, participating in the winter Olympics or looking up Marilyn Monroe’s skirt at Madame Tussauds.
  3. The undertaking will mention the start and end time of the bandh or rally.
  4. Only 5 netas or people directly affiliated with the netas are allowed to take part in the bandh or rally.
  5. Only 50 bicycles are allowed.
  6. Only 1 local, cheap, red colored bus with rusty bench seats shall be used to transport both netas and supporters. However this bus should be EURO III Emission certified.
  7. No other means of transport shall be used by anyone participating in the rally/bandh. Not even walking.
  8. Supporters will be seated in the bus during the entire rally/campaign or on their bicycles and are not allowed to get off.
  9. No loudspeaker/music system/public announcement system shall be used. Neta/Supporter has to shout in his bare voice.
  10. Campaigners shall not set foot on public roads during the campaign. However the bus and bicycles shall not be permitted to enter the rally premises. And please don’t forget condition No.8.
  11. Supporters should not be coerced into participating in the rally/campaign. All participation should be voluntary without any form of offerings made to any supporter, esp in the form of Sarai/Neera/local beer or any other means of cheap inebriation.
  12. No supporter shall resort to violence in any form.
  13. The campaign/rally shall not disturb public sentiment, law and order.
  14. Thou shall make proper arrangements for all supporters including access to water, toilets, electricity & lighting, hygiene, safety, social security and proper seating. Please remember condition No.8.
  15. The start time of the campaign should not be earlier than 11:59pm on any given day.
  16. The end time of the campaign should be no later than 11:58pm on the same day as the start.
  17. No tent/shamiyana/podium/stage shall be erected for the campaign purpose. If it rains, people on bicycles can take shelter inside the 1 bus provided for the campaign. However, conditions No.7 and No.10 and thus No.8 shall be abided by all even in this case.
  18. At no point of time during the rally/bandh/campaign will the total number of supporters exceed 500. Even stray dogs, donkeys, cows and birds in the vicinity of the rally will be counted towards this number. After all, who cares for your speeches anyway?
  19. Thou shall not bring in obese participants and call for a hunger strike. We are not falling for their diet programs.
  20. We shall publish a Corruption Rating of each of the netas participating in the bandh/rally. Terrorists are encouraged to take out the netas in this list in descending order of rating. If you are caught, don’t worry, govt. is busy tackling internal corruption now with A.Raja, Kalmadi, Reddys, Telgi etc. Next will be Kasab and then you. You will be older than Manmohan Singh by then.
  21. The party calling the rally/bandh shall be responsible for cleaning the area of the campaign.
  22. All effort shall be made to Go Green in the campaign. No plastic covers/cups/plates shall be used. Thou shall pledge to reduce Greenhouse Emissions by not Farting. No animal shall be harmed in the campaign. All food served, if any, shall be vegetarian.

There. Now lets get this passed and save ourselves a lot of headache and losses.

Photo Courtesy: Praveen Kumar